Iteration; ‘I need grounding…’
“Being a victim of the love bomb is not pleasant at all. This behavior is manipulative, destructive and, sometimes, even abusive.
It may start out feeling like everything you have always wanted. The thought that you may have, at last, found your soulmate may even cross your mind. The relationship moves rapidly, becoming deep and committed very quickly.”
Iteration; ‘I can feel your pain…’
"The narcissist is, in fact, a mirror, holding up for us and reflecting on to us those unhealed, unconscious parts of us that need our healing attention.”
“Narcissists choose a target for many reasons but to qualify as a ‘great target’ they look for your vulnerabilities that will show them what you have tolerated before. Often targets are chosen based on their status, jobs, attractiveness, popularity, successfulness and wealth. The greater the status of quality you offer the higher value you have to them, to first conquer, then to destroy.
Once they have decided you hold a value of ‘supply’ to them they are vigilant in their pursuit, showering targets with loving attention, compliments and they instantly tell you how you are different than anyone they have ever been with.”
Iteration; Love Bombing
“A narcissist and an addict have some common characteristics. One of these characteristics is a sense of low self-esteem, combined with high levels of insecurity. They lack the understanding of how to show love over a sustained period of time as they are unable to love themselves.
When they feel the partner slipping away, or at the beginning of a relationship, the narcissist turns to seduction and extreme ways to show what they assume the other partner needs to feel. This is often very much like a romance movie and may include flowers, dinner out, lavish gifts, and extreme attention to the partner. In fact, what the narcissist or addict is actually doing in making themselves feel desired and wanted as the partner naturally returns the lavish attention.
Other common behaviors included in love bombs include a lot of public displays of love and attention, even if they are not appreciated or inappropriate. Constant romantic and passionate text messages, suggestive phone calls, or trying to create a dream getaway or exclusive type of event are also common behaviors.
These tangible gifts and this extreme attention to the partner is coupled with promises of the future relationship. For those new in a relationship, this can seem like a fairy tale courtship, and being caught up in the whirlwind of attention can draw a codependent into the relationship very quickly.”
Iteration; ‘I want the old you back…’
“It quietly pulls you through a perfect version of your dream come true love story… and you suddenly wake up to the coldest, most confusing, and excruciatingly painful nightmare where you no longer recognize yourself.
A breakup with a narcissist is the beginning of a long and grueling recovery process.
Survivors of narcissistic abuse have suffered from trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance and disassociation, Complex-PTSD, self-harm, and suicide.”
Iteration; exploring colour in relation to mood
During workshops I observed how participants were drawn to using muted colours.
The psychiatrist and myself discussed the possibility of me using earth colours to represent the need for grounding during the initial ‘love bombing’ stage of the narcissistic relationship.
Iteration; love bombing
Capturing the insatiable high which the victim feels at the beginning of the narcissistic relationship and detachment from reality.
“In the beginning of a romantic relationship with a person affected by narcissism, an individual may describe the initial infatuation stage as “otherworldly.” The emotional high can feel like a drug cocktail as potent as cocaine, heroin, and ecstasy, all rolled into one noxious dose that lasts a few weeks, months, or in some cases a year or slightly more. Targets of narcissistic abuse report feeling as if they have found their soulmate and can’t believe their good fortune that this seductive courtesan has elevated them to soaring heights upon a pedestal. “Love bombing” is a phrase describing this stage, in which the narcissistic person may smother the target with praise, courting, intense sex, vacations, promises of a future together, and designation, essentially, as the most special person ever.”
Iteration; ‘Wolf in sheep’s clothing’
Exploring potential metaphors for the abuser and the concept of the ‘Narcissists Harem’.
“Narcissists are fickle creatures; they love shiny objects and they love to replace them just as swiftly as they’ve obtained them. They pit people against one another, they manufacture love triangles to make people jealous and to cause people to compete for the narcissist’s attention and approval. They become easily distracted by new victims who can heighten their status, reputation and wealth.
In a narcissist’s eyes, all victims are replaceable and interchangeable, depending on what they can do for the narcissist. All victims are in a never-ending competition to prove their worth and value to the narcissist”
Iteration; ‘Devalue’
“After you’re completely drawn in, the narcissist in your life is going to start changing it up and become manipulative. It will be subtle at first, perhaps focusing first on running down your closest friends and family. They may even try to isolate you from those that are closest to you…this allows them to dig their claws in deeper, and removes a grounded sounding board for you to share your experiences, which leaves you relying on you and only you for support.
Over time, the narcissist will amp up their antics to deceive, twist and distort facts, and lie to you. They will become verbally abusive and insult you, accuse you, blame you, shame you, threaten you, guilt-trip you and withhold things from you (such as money or love) while making demands from you.
They may become sarcastic about you in front of others to “put you in your place”, lower your self-esteem and make themselves appear more powerful. They may become aggressive and rage to shock you into submission. At the worst…they may even become physically abusive.
During this phase, it is common to continue making excuses and justifying the narcissist’s behavior. This is partially because you have become so enamored with them in the first phase, but also because they will keep throwing a little love-bombing into the mix of abusive tactics to keep you on your toes, confused, and engaged. And it usually works! You may even find yourself continuing to happily sweep any red flags under the rug. The problem here is that, not only are we allowing the narcissist to devalue us, we are also devaluing our own internal GPS that is screaming “danger!”
The manipulative tactics that the narcissist uses as dysfunctional coping mechanisms,, will cause you to start doubting yourself and your sanity; and you may even find yourself living in a fog of confusion. You may feel like you just aren’t good enough and can’t do anything right. Your self-esteem will be stripped away and you will be forever walking on eggshells trying to appease the person who once made you feel incredibly special.”
Iteration ‘Love Bombing’
This is the initial illustration which I created to depict the rollercoaster of emotions, created through love bombing and the body’s animal instinct/sense for danger.
“Intuition can be a very powerful thing when it’s in the right hands, and it’s a gift a very rare few possess. But regardless of whether or not you’re more intuitive than most, we all have an inner voice telling us what’s right and wrong, what we should and shouldn’t do. Deep down inside, we all know what it is we want and what it is we truly need. And even if we still don’t fully understand the mysterious ways in which our intuition works, there’s no denying the power of human instinct.
What we call our “gut feelings” are actually manifestations of our deepest, most unconscious thoughts and desires. And if we let it, they can help us avoid danger, escape harm, and do the right thing in a difficult situation. The problem is, more often than not we end up ignoring our gut feelings and denying our intuition because we have a hard time understanding what it all means. We don’t even realize it was trying to tell us something until it’s too late!.”
